when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
