Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
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I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
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We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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