the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
