please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
