Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
