you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
