i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
two words...techno handjob
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
