I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
