jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
