she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
