i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
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