I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
