dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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