What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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