I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Why are your pants in the freezer?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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