I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
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do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
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I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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