I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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