TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
