I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
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Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
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I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
soo... how was my night?
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