I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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