i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
