It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
