saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
She's just so happy...and so naked.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
