is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
