i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
