I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
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She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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