totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
