I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
We were destined to go to rehab together
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
