I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I need a beard to bite.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
