so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
