Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
