you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
