I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
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She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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