I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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