I could have mohawked her pubes.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
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