i'm lost and i look like a hooker
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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