So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
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