i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
