I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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