Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
