I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
