I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
