The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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