is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
