Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
