I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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