I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
