Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
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HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
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I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize