hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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