Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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