Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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