Don't make out with my wife yet
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
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