my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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