Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
