Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
