I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize