I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
