Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
