no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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