My cat gives me a boner
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
