The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
