You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
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