Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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