Me. At least after what I've been through.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
