First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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