Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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