Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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