The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
