good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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