i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
